My gosh, I sure hope so!
But seriously, in every vegan and vegetarian’s life, there usually comes the question of how our beliefs will affect our interpersonal relationships and love lives.
I’m still a youngin’ (19 as of writing this post), so I can’t offer the life’s wisdom that goes along with finding and settling down with that one special person, but I’ll take this time to look forward and see think about how my veganism will affect my future with the ladies.
So far I’ve had two “significant” relationships, both of them with omnivores at the onset. During the first was when I made the initial transition to vegetarianism, and to be honest, it was one of the things that drove a wedge between us. She didn’t understand and didn’t want to, and the change just seemed to be emblematic of a greater drift. In the end, after we broke up, she became a vegetarian (and might be a vegan these days), but at that point I definitely felt a bit antagonized.
My second serious girlfriend also started out as an omnivore, but in relatively short order she became a vegetarian and then a vegan. Thankfully, I no longer had to worry about kissing her after she ate something I found ethically reprehensible.
Hypercritical? Maybe. Truthful? Yes.
And I think that’s really the most important thing to keep in mind here: you’re going to feel a certain way about people with different eating habits than you. Eating is a big part of life, and if you try to put those feelings aside, it may come back to haunt you. Be honest and upfront, with yourself and your partner.
That said, I really don’t know where I’ll be going. I don’t feel like I mind too much, but cooking and vegany things are definitely on my top lists of fun things to do, so it’s not easy to discount the role veganism could play in a future relationship.
Time will tell, I suspect!
Has anyone else given this issue any thought?
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my personal experience. i’ve been vegan for about 8 years, and married to a non-vegetarian for about 5 years. you know what makes me happy? whatever makes her happy. when she enjoys meatballs, or shrimp or whatever… it makes me happy because i know she enjoys it! i’m not a missionary (my least favorite kind of person), and i’m not vegan for other people. it is for me to act according to my own conscience, just as it is for others to act according to their own.
of course, just as i love my wife, she loves me and conscientiously maintains meat/veg segregation in the kitchen, and opens the window when cooking meat. undoubtedly, we are lucky to have found each other, but i honestly can’t imagine something like dietary preferences keeping two people who love each other apart. just remember that for physical and philosophical reasons, being vegan simply isn’t for everyone. make sure you know why you are vegan, and find someone who loves you for who you are. peace and good luck!
-mike
I think eating habits should be the *last* of your concerns when it comes to finding a mate…
If you find yourself strangely attracted to an omnivore, you’ve got a lot more chance of educating them by respecting their choices, than by making them feel like they’ve got a choice between “me or your stomach”. I imagine it’s an ultimatum (whether real or imagined) that would turn most people off.
When I first met my partner, I was insistent on him graduating to vegetarianism. It caused a few arguments, and we quite easily could have gone our separate ways over it, but when I made the conscious decision to ‘let go’, all that tension drained away.
Nearly four years later and he still loves his chicken and beef, but he’s developed a respect that he never had before, which – for me – is the better outcome.
It all comes down to personal choice in the end, I suppose. Like religious people vowing to only ever marry someone of the same faith; or white supremacists refusing to date anyone not Caucasian (I don’t intend to associate the negative stigmas with you, of course).
If you want people to follow your beliefs, then so be it. However it would be a shame to let an otherwise healthy relationship fall apart because of it.
While Mike and Peter both have good reasoning that I, for the most part, agree with- I admit that I have had similar feelings, at times, about the omnivores I have dated. Personally, I do not tell others to become vegan because I respect other’s beliefs and expect them to respect mine. I will openly share my reasons behind my dietary choices when appropriate. However, there is a difference between the beliefs your friends, family, co-workers, etc. share compared to those that the person you may end up spending every day or so of your life with. Of course, it is really an individual thing. Either you can accept their choice in diet or not. If you can- great! Just make it work- it looks like keeping the vegan and non-vegan foods seperate in the kitchen works for some. But, if the reason you are vegan is moral and you just can’t see yourself settling down with someone who doesn’t share the same moral feelings……..then don’t settle for less. Chances are there are single vegans who feel that way too- you just need to find one. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
[...] as a follow up to my previous post on vegan relationships, I thought it would be worth noting that I am once again dating someone, but this time a non-vegan. [...]
When it comes down to it, veganism is not just a dietary choice. It is one of the biggest aspects of my morality. I have only dated non-vegans in my short life thus far and since I made my transition to veganism, I have never been happy in any of those relationships. It caused too much conflict inside of me and was problematic for practical reasons. Call me grim, but I don’t think I would be able to spend the rest of my life with someone that is not a vegan.
I think it only matters if the other person has a problem with it. I have been with my amazing boyfriend for almost three years now and I made the transition during our relationship. Since we don’t live together yet it isn’t a big problem. However, he has offered to go vegetarian when we move in together(4 months).
I think if someone has a problem with your dietary choices then they don’t really want what is best for you. It is a perfectly healthy choice and them having a problem would symbolize a much larger problem to me.
Hi Rebecca,
Thanks for the kind comment, I hope things work out for you. I actually need to update my story, I just don’t want her reading it
!
I’ve been vegetarian for about 5 years now, and had mixed experiences with it in terms of relationships.
Example 1 had little to no respect for my decision. I became vegetarian midway through our relationship, and whenever the topic of food was bought up, the mocking began. She then went vegetarian as a fad diet, but quickly gave up. Needless to say, I saw her true colours around that time.
Example 2 tried becoming vegetarian, but I dont think she did it for any of her own moral reasons. She stopped immediately after we broke up.
Example 3 is vegetarian. We share similar views on food and animal rights, and it’s fantastic. It’s something we have a real connection over, and I think after her I would find it hard to have a relationship with someone that ate meat.
I do not mean to say you cannot be happy with someone who eats differently, but you definately cannot be happy with someone that doesn’t respect your decision. I don’t want anybody to do it just because I do, or because its the ‘hip’ thing, i want them to examine the evidence and make their own decision about it.
Having said that, I didn’t live with any of them, but I have lived with a friend that eats a lot of red meat and he drove me completely insane. He didn’t show any kind of remorse, his food stank out the entire flat, he would leave meat all over the fridge… It became quite hard to stop myself from becoming the zealous veggie crusader that lies within all of us.
Perhaps if i was in a relationship with somebody that ate meat and I lived with them, it would aggrovate me a lot more. In the end, it is a decision that can tell you a lot about the character of the person.
Hi Josh,
Thanks for the comment. It certainly is a complex issue and I think I have yet to settle with it,